I have been studying the ideas and philosophy of Taoism off and on for the last eighteen years of my life. I am nowhere near a state of enlightenment or awakening yet. I have found that I am just now at the beginning stages of the journey, actually. During the last eighteen years, I have flirted with awakenings (and, indeed have experienced “little awakenings” along the way), but in all actuality, I have merely been preparing my mind for the steps that must be taken along the path. The drinking episodes, the stints as a musician, and the experimentation with writing have all been beneficial growing and learning experiences to help me “get my mind right” for the journey.
I realize now that the heavy drinking was, in its own way, a cry to the Universe for help. It was, albeit unconsciously, an attempt to function in the outside world while shutting off the noise of the inside world—to numb the pain of the ugly truths I was confronted with as I delved into my sub-conscious mind. I realized that I was motivated by a sense of being “alone” and without a purpose. I felt weak and insubstantial, because, try as I might I couldn’t “know God” as all of my peers claimed they did. I felt a sense of hopelessness in the knowledge that we live and die, and nothing would ever change that. And I was angry that I couldn’t find someone who could answer the questions adequately. In short, I believe the drinking was, now that I look back on it, a buffer of sorts against the ugliness of my own psyche that I was uncovering. Rather than confronting my demons, I was creating more. There are things in our consciousnesses that we do not want to face; ugly and nasty ways of thinking, guilt about passed transgressions against others, and guilt about our own presumed inadequacies. Admittedly, there are things in my psyche that I have not yet dealt with fully, but I believe now that is because I have not been emotionally mature enough to deal with them properly.
There is a passage in the Tao Te Ching that says: “When a wise student hears of the Tao; he accepts it and practices it diligently. When an average student hears of the Tao; he gives it thought now and then. When the foolish student hears of the Tao; he laughs out loud. If there were no laughter, it would not be Tao.” I have, for the last eighteen years, been the “average” student in this scenario. I have met many “foolish” students along the way, but have not yet met a “wise” one face to face. The thing is, from the very first time I read the Tao Te Ching I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that there was something to what it said. There was truth in those words that transcended the “surface” meaning of the sentences they formed. And that is what kept me coming back again and again. Ultimately, it was the very words written in a book and translated many times over that broke the chains that I had shackled myself with for so many years. The last time I came back to that book (a little over a year and a half ago) I quit drinking for good. No “slacking off” the drink, no gradually slowing down. I just quit.
See, something profound occurred directly before I took my last drink. I had what one might call an “epiphany”. I realized that, contrary to what I had led myself to believe for so long, there is a purpose to all of this—one may say it is a “divine purpose”. I am a vehicle for the divine consciousness, and so are you. Tao moves through us, whether we know it or not. Our purpose is to be as receptive to that Universal Source as we can and to allow its potentiality, or Te, to flow through us. We are the consciousness of Tao manifested in the world. It is not like us, in any way. It has no concerns, worries, hopes, or dreams; it simply moves, and due to that movement, the whole of the Universe moves in harmony and unison. We do indeed have free will—the freedom to choose whether or not we make ourselves open and receptive to the harmony of the Universe or not. However, to attempt to move against Tao is futile, for it is the movement of the entire Universe. Most people will never accept that responsibility fully: “When the average student hears of the Tao; he gives it thought now and then.” Some of us accept the challenge with courage wholeheartedly and diligently put to practice their own particular ways of being the receptive vessel of Te they were meant to be; showering the world with the kind of deep, unconditional love only Te is capable of producing.
The thing about it is, in order for anyone to live a truly and deeply spiritual life, it is necessary to check motives. If one enters the stream in an effort to find inner peace, or salvation, in a purely self motivated way, it will most likely result in tragedy. This is why I have such a problem with the so-called “self-help” movement and its “gurus”. The message implicit in all of the self help seminars and books is that of a self centered aggrandizement. It seems that most of them are centered on impressing upon the listener how important it is to be “powerful”, or “influential”; how to “win”. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with having an influence, we must always be mindful of our motives for wanting to be influential. Is it just for “me”? If it is, it is useless. The first and most important realization that one has to have is that whatever he or she does will only be beneficial to them personally if it is of some benefit to the people they come into contact with. No amount of wealth acquired, no amount of promotions in your job, and no amount of platitudes recited as “affirmation” that YOU are special, that YOU are unique, so on and so on, will ever take the place of the real feeling of connectedness and unity that is felt in service to others. While the self help gurus tell you to focus on YOU, YOU, YOU; the Tao is silently saying “US, US, US!” The truly spiritual feeling comes from being a voice for the voiceless, the strength of those who are weakened; from being a vehicle for all that is right, and good, and pure in the Universe. It is standing on the solid Earth and realizing that all of creation is you, and you are the whole of creation.
No borders. No distinctions.
Black Elk once said: “All things are our relatives. What we do to everything, we do to ourselves. All is really one.” So, if we abuse the world and its inhabitants, we abuse ourselves. If we do things to our own being that are harmful and injurious, we are injuring every other thing. If we live our lives in a way that is helpful to others we are serving our purpose. This is not about the arbitrary “rights” and “wrongs” of the world. This is about truth--and love for all living things. There is, you see, an underlying truth that has run through every religion and philosophy that I can think of: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
The Zen Buddhist author and teacher Steve Hagen proposed the more “negative” recitation: “Do NOT do unto others as you would NOT have them do unto you.”
Peace Pilgrim, the fascinating woman who spent twenty some-odd years of her life walking around the country talking to people about peace, translated it like this: “If you want to have friends, be friendly.”
No matter how you say it, it comes down to this truth; if you live your life in a self-serving manner, in the end you will have served only yourself. If you live to be of service to others, you will have left your mark on the world through those who you helped, thus you have in some small way made the world a better place. One of the greatest moments of the aforementioned epiphany came in the strangest of forms—a commercial for Ford trucks or some such with a famous basketball star came on the television. During the commercial, the basketball player is depicted doing various good deeds in his home town. As the commercial closes, the basketball star says, “I just want to leave the world a better place than I found it.”
And so do I.
peace, wayf
(to be continued... :) )
